WASHINGTON, DC—The CTO at a major local consulting company  in Washington was ecstatic upon hiring a mystical 10x developer via LinkedIn Jobs. Unfortunately, after several sprints it became clear that the reason behind the inhuman productivity of the newly hired specialist is cocaine.

The management, however, is hesitant to react. "She's just so valuable to our company, the additional cost of drugs and rehab is still much lower than the wages for ten 1x developers," explains Juan El Padrino, one of the shareholders of Ubermensch.

Coding bootcamps worldwide are noticing the success story. "Cocaine is not for everybody, though, and we understand that," says the founder of "Ain't Nobody Got Time for Math", a popular coding bootcamp from Nevada. "We're currently providing our students with programs supported by a variety of substances, from mild micro doses of psychedelics to amphetamines and methylamphetamines."